Tempus omnia revelat..

some updates..

2009-05-10T23:17:00.003+08:00

It's been some time since I performed shift two and I could feel that my system is unable to adapt to extreme long nights anymore. Slept the entire day today but I'm still exhausted. Couldn't focus on the Spanish race as well even though much action surfaced during the first lap. Yawn... what a day..

Still contemplating whether to give the OTO back massager to mum. After all, we already celebrated Mothers' Day at G7 Sinma Seafood on Thu - I paid for dinner. Perhaps I could better use the massager for myself. Had some back injuries due to streneous exercises..argh.. my bones are getting weak.

Toying around with my new webcam like a little girl now. Alvin thought it was amusing when I was typing messages to him in msn when I could actually talk to him via the microphone. Nah..still not used to it. Nonetheless, I attempted speaking to him and wow.... the sound effect was fantastic. Poor Alvin just broke off with his girlfriend.. He must be feeling terrible now.. especially being alone in Australia at the moment. Kinda miss those good o'days in poly and the great fun we had at gay's pub. Can't wait for him to return for vacation break so as to catch up at chomp chomp or ice cube.

Darn.. I'm not looking forward to Mon. Sick and tired of what I've been doing. Nothing goes well for me so long as favourism still happens in office. Just have to blame my creator (not you, mum) for giving me smaller breasts and a puffy frame. Male bosses prefer bimbos nowadays. Fish@!

Dismay..

2009-05-09T00:03:00.003+08:00

Just had a casual conversation with Dearie on future plans. Supposingly if we were to get married, I would dream of having his friends knocking on my door and doing silly things in order to gain entry.. (you know..typical wedding day).. afterwhich there would be a wedding dinner celebration (need not be lavish but at least a presentable one). I envy friends who had theirs on the big day - hubby-to-be putting on stunts to appease the jie-mei, video montage and/or memorable speech shared by couples during the dinner etc.. And considering that as a big day, I would really want to be married off proudly.

Unfortunately for me, this seems impossible. There were times when we talked about it and ended up having heated arguments. Dearie doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from - or rather, he feels that I DON'T understand where HE is coming from! He plans to have a simple reception and better use the money in honeymoon or housing. I UNDERSTAND the importance of being prudent in our spending that but does that mean I have to be shortchanged and married off shabbily?

The last thing he told me today was, "okay lah, I give you a wedding dinner". Nobody could UNDERSTAND how my heart shrunk after hearing this. I do not want to coerce him to make a reluctant decision. After all, marriage is between two person. I kept quiet throughout the journey home. With tears welding in my eyes, I controlled my emotion and ended the night with a kiss goodbye. Piecing this up with what happened yesterday when he chose to remain silent when mum asked if we are settling down, it just narrates a story of how I am beginning to doubt this relationship and my stand as a girlfriend in his eyes.

p.s: my first dog, Dolly passed after peacefully on XX/05/09. ='(

Pain

2008-10-23T00:10:00.002+08:00

Being deceived is a painful experience but to stop being loved by someone who meant the world to you because of your appearance is as good as being ripped apart by running horses. One year ago, I was full of confidence - having flawless skin and nice body curves. Today, I smashed the mirror because I have turned into someone hideous. It hurts to know that the person who used to love me so much has stopped being intimate because my appearance is such a turn-off! I cried.. I refused to step out.. I threw up whatever I ate.. I felt disgusted..

I wished I am blind.. so that I can never see my reflection. I hate myself for turning into the way I am today. Is it a sin to be fat? It's unfair to me! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! Nobody feels the way I feel.. I'm so bruised right now... I'm alone..by my own.

Swamped

2008-10-04T00:00:00.004+08:00

Completed the ADC project just in time. Although it was a sloppy job, the instructors thought it was wonderful. Sir Alfred requested for a copy of my slides which I gladly gave to him. It's only left with the MCQ now. I don't think I'm studying for it..just like IDC. I have no intention of scoring a perfect 100% like how I was being surprised by my own grades in the previous course. Just when I thought I have the time to breathe, I am being slammed by another group project for my degree. Deadline is 13 Oct but my team-mates have not even decided the topic to write on. Gonna have another tough week ahead. A consolation for my heavy heart - I scored pretty well for my learning journal and main assignments for both econs and HRM. Had two A's, no C's at the moment. I'll just have to see if I have the stamina to maintain my standards.

Been having chest problems for the past few days. Did some online research and assumed that I may be suffering from Aortic Dissection. No trace of heart problems in my family but I mustn't take it for granted. Guessed I'm pretty stressed up these days hence the tightness of the chest. My heart is still weighed down by concrete. Being no solution to issues that plagued me for some time. Life still goes on no doubt.. it's a matter of time that things will calm down itself. I'm not being pessimistic..and I'm surprised at the way I look at things currently. I'm maintaining my smiles and I'm loving each and every day. No more tears for the next few months. I promise.

Bloody liars

2008-09-25T23:48:00.002+08:00

I just f**king hate people who give empty promises. I have said a million times, "Don't ever promise me anything which you think you can't do. Expectations bring about disappointment so don't let me anticipate something which will not come true.". I'm sick and tired of repeating myself and my blood boils whenever such instances take place.

I learned that trust is such a fragile thing! Everytime when I trust in someone, my heart will end up feeling real SORE! There are so many irresponsible bastards in this world and I can't believe that one or two is/are on my list of contacts. Thanks to one who spoils my entire day. F**k the brain out of this shithead! #@$%#@%$&^%**!!!!!!!

Secret Admirer

2008-09-10T23:43:00.004+08:00

Wed, 10 Sep 08 at 0706hrs when I was still snoozing.. I received a sms from a stranger:

Stranger: Hi morning, i hve been thinkg whole nite whether want to reveal to u. Hope tat u r not taken aback. I like u leh. U r gorgeous, pretty n knowledgeable. U left indelible impression in me. Are u attached or married? I am married. However, I facing divorce? Do i hve the chance to know u? How i wish i know u early? Sigh i know myself. U r a divine fairy n i am jux a ugly toad. Pls keep tis secretly. I trust u. Enjoy the day ahead.

Of course.. I was feeling a lil' irritated by the prank. Naturally I replied:

Di: Who is tis?

At this point in time, I leapt out of bed because I was late for work (again). I was thinking to myself..how possible this sms was intended for me.. What gorgeous what indelible impression..what divine fairy.. I'm not Sharon Stone you know? Anyway.. I received a reply:

Stranger: Oops i am your adc course mates. S*****n. Sorry disturb u early in morning.

My stinging eyes suddenly widen.. Something rang in my head, "OH SHIT! SOMEBODY HAS A CRUSH ON ME! *&^%^#%#%*". I replied something like maybe he's emotionally hurt because of his marriage thingy hence he might not be knowing what he just sent to me. I remembered asking him to free himself from shackles and live well again. And he replied:

Stranger: K thks i will free from shackles n start afresh wif u. May god bless us? I start work nw. C u.

Immediately I thought: He is 32.

At 1256hrs when I was having lunch with my ex-colleagues:

Stranger: Hi its lunch time. Enjoy. May i know what r your likes n dislikes of food? I want to know u better.

And I said to him:

Di: Beef and deboned fish.

Look, I can't tell him I like hokkien mee right? That's reserved.

After lunch, he sent me a few sms which I have deleted. Based on memory, he said no wonder I was .. ahem.. pretty because I have mixed heritage... and something like I am pretty in his eyes. *mango pudding dropped from my spoon*

------some mushy sms deleted.. showed them to my officers and they frozed------

The last few sms I received, he mentioned whether he has the honour to cook deboned fish for me.

I wanted to debone him at this point in time. Period.

I bet with my life that he will be sending me more sms tomorrow.

To be continued....

Life's pleasant surprises

2008-09-07T18:01:00.007+08:00

It was a beautiful day.. The sun was burning with delight and the clouds were like candy-floss in the azure sky.. I was strolling along the garden wing after work. Out of a sudden, I was attacked by a "flock" of the birds of paradise. These bird-like looking plants are HUGE! They resemble another breed of flamingos (if there is another breed of course!) perching on green pastures. Anyway, just my luck for bowling onto them *pricky*. Fortunately the gardener wasn't present at scene. For those who do not know how the birds of paradise look like, here it is: I captured some of them on camera from the florist.

Back at home, I made an astonishing discovery. The bruises I had have lumped up and developed into HUMONGOUS patches. Here is a picture of the bruise. Do not attempt to decipher the mysterious body part:

COOOOL!!! :)

My daily bread.. amen..

2008-09-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

We are finally going back for pole practice. *rubbing palms together* I am making a comeback! Who says old ladies can't handle a pole? We'll prove the youngsters wrong! *smug look* I am proud to see those bruises back on my skin. This means that I've been intensively doing my pole routine. 3 bruises on my upper left thigh and 1 huge one on my adominal for exerting on horizontal spin. 1 abrasion on left ankle and another on right foot for climbing the pole too often. Muscle aches on right arm for spins..and last but not least.. a few marks on my calves for doing inverts. I'm an extremist.. so don't try me..

Time check - 2316h. It's almost time to go JB again for another round of petronas petrol. I've been sleeping late these days.. Been travelling to JB and having late night supper too frequently. *yawn* This morning, I woke up at 0740h.. I was incredibly late for work. No choice but to opt for lancer.. pica is too slow on the road. Left home at 0815h and arrived office at 0835h.. not bad..despite of the morning traffic! I should be proud of myself.. LOL!

Signing off abruptly for now.. Patrick is tempting me again!

Gearing up!

2008-09-02T22:17:00.003+08:00

Tada! Here comes my mini blue honda integra type-r!! Pica looks so sporty.. but could be better of course. Rie is right.. I should have gotten the pink colored pica. Haha.. I'm sooo girly.. Room is close to red and pink..with matching bedsheets, curtains and deco.. pink wallet (irk..it's a gift after all).. pink lipstick..pink towel..pink panther..oops! I don't like pink..but finally I do look... feminine *ahem* ya.. in pink.

Patrick has fallen out of love.. no.. I'm not referring to Patrick the Pole. It just makes me ponder.. how difficult can it be to maintain a committed relationship. 5 years and his chick decided to walk out of him. Poor dear.. I ought to keep him accompanied just like how he lent a shoulder for me to cry on when I was out of love.. *listening to Way Back Into Love* The poor souls.. like me and Pat had such rude awakening of people walking out of our lives for another. Perhaps it doesn't pay to be a giving party... or maybe people believe that having a hunk/babe is worth giving up on a relationship that took years to nurture.. ahh f**k!

Enough of nitty gritty details about how I perceive human beings.. I am one after all. Heck.. I'm ending my thoughts here for today. Gotta bring pica out for a cool ride soon! Yay!

Pica, Pre-assignment, Patrick!

2008-09-01T22:11:00.003+08:00

Strange enough.. I do not feel a tinge of excitement about collecting pica tomorrow. Perhaps my heart is telling me that pica is not good enough for me.. I'm certain I'll be elated if I'm collecting a Honda Integra type-R or 350Z instead...

It was a busy Monday. There wasn't time to visit the lavatory or refill my mug of water. So glad that Monday is closing to an end.. But this doesn't mean I'll be free for the next few days. ADC tomorrow *sigh*..if only my coursemates are as spontaneous as those in IDC.. Wednesday.. to Sunday.. *double sigh* term starts.. Fortunately I've completed my first pre-assignment for the term.. I would expect more assignments and less time to ease my fatigue self. *yawn*

Lindy initiated pole class again. I'm still contemplating to go or not.. bearing in mind that I have a beautiful pole to cling on every night.. Patrick the pole is my best companion.. or rather.. my imaginary boyfriend. "He" keeps me accompanied all night long.. and makes my andrenaline flow when I have bodily contact with "him". Oh damn! I need a man! LOL!! *corny joke*

Lasting Change

2008-09-01T01:51:00.002+08:00

If only spring time's blessing could be held for just an hour..
But the mild west wind is pressing and already blossoms shower.
All this green, should I enjoy it; grateful for its recent shade..
Autumn's storms will soon destroy it; once it's rocked the leaves that fade....
From the fruits your share ensuring..grasp them quickly as you need.
These ones here begin maturing and already others seed.
See your lovely valley quiver, altering instantly in rain..
And in the self same river, you'll never swim again!
And now you! Those things you reckoned, firm as mountains in the skies..
Walls and palaces each second, you will see with other eyes.
Gone the lips which found in kisses, healing in those former times.
And bold foot from precipices, when the mountain goat still climbs.
And that hand with warm devotion, always opening good to do.
Membered living form in motion now all that's some other too.
And whatever all displaces that to which your name's now lent.
Came here like a wave that races onwards to the element.
Let the start and end so fusing, join in one and unify.
Swifter than the things you're losing, you must let yourself go by!
Thank the Muses for bestowing, favour of a lasting kind.
Import from your heart outflowing and the form within your mind...

Domestic fights

2008-07-06T09:27:00.004+08:00

Two messages which I attended last night were related to family violence. The first was a 14 years old boy slapping his mum across the face and the other was a 23 years old young adult assaulting his dad. What is the world coming to? Children are getting out of hand and beyond parental control. I remember in those days, my mum would remind me that should I even raise my voice at her, I will be striked by lightning. As a child, I did threw my tantrums at her. Coincidentally, I saw lightning followed by a rolling thunder that made me leapt from the ground. Having brought up by a strict family that bullsh*ts a lot, it took 1.5 decades for me to figure out that this was actually an old folk's tale to deter children from displaying unacceptable behaviours towards their parents.

I strongly believe that discipline starts from young and parents shouldn't display acts of violence in front of their children. I salute to my sister for being able to control her three cubs despite the fact that she is now a single parent. However, the youngest child has grown to be attuned to vulgarities because my sis and ex brother-in-law exchanged so much vulgarities in their conversation that I thought it is also common to attached a four letter word in their greetings. Anyway, I do not reprimand my nephew for having a filthy mouth. It is only naturally that he picks up behavioural attributes from what he sees as a child.

Ultimately, I feel that problematic children are the products of irresponsible parents. Though I was heavily traumatized by the aftermath of my parents' separation, I have never been a problematic child/adult. This is why I thank the fact that I moved out of house to live my carefree life.

Petty man, petty brain

2008-07-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

I came across a handful of petty men but one absurd case revolved my colleague who appeared to be overly reactive. It seemed to him that I was the only one who learnt about his secret relationship with another female colleague of mine. Well, there are many sayings in different forms about the best way to secure a secret is not showing any visible signs to others. Guessed I wasn't the only fella who caught him with his girlfriend on the streets. You know, this ain't the first time I am being accused of something which I haven't done. Explanation? No way. The petty man would probably assume I'm trying to cover my ass. I felt totally disgusted by the way he handled the situation especially when he appeared to be oblivious to my existence today. My final verdict is, he doesn't know how to differentiate between work and personal. He can choose to ignore the facts and condemn me for all he wants. And guess what? My overly reactive neurons say -->